SO Tired and So Sad

Any veteran teacher would laugh at me.

I am so tired. I have been working 5 days. Last Thursday and Friday for New Teacher Orientation and then Monday-Wednesday so far. I do fine during the day but as soon as I get home I am dead. I start my day by waking up at 6:15 but next week that will change to 6:00. I get ready and leave the house by 7:00 and that will change to 6:45ish. I am fine at school all day working and everything. Next week may be different though actually having little children to watch and teach. I have been leaving between 3:45 and 6:00. I usually get home turn on the tv and eat a bowl of Ramen. As soon as I am done I get extremely tired. I tell myself I will just go watch a movie in the bedroom and rest but BAM! I wake up three hours later usually around 9:00. Clayton gets home around 12 and we sit and talk and watch tv for a while and I usually get to sleep around 2:30.

I know this schedule cannot work forever but for now its all I can do.

Cl8n is off tomorrow and I am so excited but he was supposed to work Friday day instead of night and then a guy called and asked him to switch. He could have said no but he said he would rather help someone than piss them off. It just means another day that we will not see each other. His schedule will most likely fall where he works Wed, Fri and Sat. and that sucks because the only day we both have is Sunday. We have already agreed that the first half of this first year of our marriage is going to be brutal.

I have been working on my room a lot but I am almost out of ideas. There is still a lot of wall space to be filled and bulletin boards to be decorated. There are supplies to be bought and things to be put in order. Its all so overwhelming. So that's what's been going on this week.

This past weekend was pretty rough. Cade left for the Marines. Friday we went home for his going away party. It was pretty fun but I was very tired because of work. After the party was an after party for all the close friends and everyone was just staying at Cl8n's mom's so they could spend the last few hours together. Well it was fun but drama, drama, drama. Cade and Hillary fought all night and bad. I was worried they were gonna break up 2 days before he left. One of Cade's friends stepped on my foot and broke my toe. It bled and was bad. It hurt so much. I have broken all my toes in one foot before at the same time and I don't remember it hurting like this. They stupid boys were having a food fight and stole my blanket around 6 am just when I was trying to go to bed. I had been up over 24 hours and was a little cranky. Finally I went to bed and woke up around 12 with a hang over to kill an elephant. All day I was feeling bad and after we went to eat with my parents for my mom's birthday me and clayton watched a little of the Cowboys game and went to bed early. Sunday was much better. We went to eat early with my parents then since it was tax free weekend me and my mom went shopping for a few minutes. Then we went to see my great grandmother at her nursing home. We do it every Sunday that I am there.

Then came the hard part. It was time to go to lunch with Cade before he had to leave. Lunch was good it was at Outback because his two best guys friends work there and they wanted to wait on us. When lunch was over we all went back to Dawn's. This included me, Cl8n, Cade, Morgan, Roy (cl8n's dad), Sandra (Cl8n's step-mom), Hillary, and Lexi. Then his two waiter friends got off and came over. A few more people trickled in and we had about an hour with him before his Staff Sgt. came to take him away. It wasn't so bad until it was past time for him to be there. Then I got ancy. I wanted pictures of Cade and Cl8n so asked them to go outside. Everyone followed so we were all outside talking and taking pictures. Then the dreaded fan drove up. I thought they would let us say bye and then take him. Instead the Sgt came out and asked us all to gather around and listen. He told us all about what Cade was going to be doing and what we could and couldn't do. When we would write and when he would write. I started getting a little upset and so was his dad, mom and Sandra. Then it came time to say good bye. He hugged me and I started to cry harder. It was so sad. I said bye and he said not to cry he would come stay with me and Cl8n when he got back. It made me happy how long he spent saying good bye to each person. It wasn't hurried. The worst part was when he had to say good bye to Hillary. It was such a private moment and no one should have been able to watch it. I hurt for Hillary. I still do she is in such a sad position.

So you'd think he got in the car and left and that was the end..well it wasn't. The next morning he was to be processed in Dallas and sworn in. Well the family minus us(because of work) went to watch. Well it turned out he was 1/2 a pound over weight. This doesn't mean he cannot go, of course not but he had to have a waiver filled out and since there were so many people he did not get processed fast enough so he was delayed until the next day. So he got to go home and see everyone again for another day and then do the whole goodbye one more time and leave yesterday. Last night Dawn called me to play his message he left. They get to call to let the family know they have arrived. They have to read off a script. It sounded so weird and he messed up a few times. He sounded very nervous. In the background you could hear people yelling at the recruits. It made me cry again. Today I started a count down till we see him at his graduation. 86 days. But the whole reason I was so upset and the same with Cl8n, was because the is the first of many good byes and definitely not the hardest, someday we will be saying good bye as he leaves for Iraq. Every thing has changed and it will never be the same. Thats why I am so sad.

Well onward to another day at work.